Barry Andrews: Early Lyrics 1979-1981

Town And Country EP:
Me And My Mate Can Sing / Bring On The Aligators / Mousetrap / Sargasso Bar

Rossmore Road 7":
Rossmore Road NW1 / Win A Night Out With A Well Known Paranoiac

All songs published by Virgin Music (Publishers) Ltd.

All songs written by Barry Andrews.

Lyrics reproduced with permission from Barry Andrews. Many thanks to Barry for answering my persistent queries; he didn't really want to!

• Me And My Mate Can Sing
  
  When the show stops in your dressing room
  Wonder who these people are
  Two little girls are standing by the doorway
  Aren't you glad you're a star
  They say that they're going to London
  They say that the boys down here are not their cup of tea
  They say that they're not like the other girls
  Although they giggle, you think they'd go back to the hotel
  
  Me and my mate can sing - we're not staying here forever
  Me and my mate can sing - we're not waiting for the rest to catch up
  And if not this time then the next time
  And if not your band, some other band where we can sing
  
  We don't need your names on bits of paper
  Got a couple of our own
  Well we won't say no to a bit of floor space
  I think we've missed the last bus home
  They say that they've had it with college
  They say that they just try and stop you being who you are
  They're not really liked by the other girls
  Like Patti said they got something to hide here called Desire
  
  Me and my mate can sing - There's gotta be something better than this
  Me and my mate can sing - Get married isn't our idea of fun
  And if not this time then the next time
  And if not your band, some other band where we can sing
  
  Me and, me and my, me and my mate can sing
  (I said that) me and my, me and my mate can sing
  I said that me and my mate can...
  
  
• Bring On The Aligators
  
  You're here and I'm here to suffer in the cause of art
  I chose you out of the crowd to screen test all the part
  No crack, the All Blacks are with us on your Mum's settee
  They ain't got nothing to do with you and/or me
  
  Oh come on Sam, come on Sam
  If you're an operator
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  If Salvador was here he'd think it was his birthday
  
  Cold out, I sold out, it breaks me heart to see you down
  Just don't go screwing me up (or down or round and round)
  Cracked up, we packed up, I couldn't stand the atmosphere
  I told you to never bring your relatives in here
  
  Oh come on Sam, come on Sam
  If you're an operator
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  Have another pill to aid your concentration
  
  1 2 3 4 ... 1 2 3 4 (in Polish)
  
  I'm crucial, so crucial, waiting for the phone to ring
  You led me to understand you'd stop this happening
  Tough dear, I still hear you screaming in my wildest dreams
  I'm not sure it's healthy what you do behind those screens
  
  Oh come on Sam, come on Sam
  It ain't no good stealing other peoples' nightmares
  If Salvador was here he'd think it was his birthday
  Ain't no good writing letters to the Pope
  
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  Bring on the aligators
  
  
• Mousetrap (Dedicated To Aunty Rene)
  
  Been playing Shaftsbury Avenue
  For a thousand years or maybe two - darlings
  Done plenty bum gigs in my time
  But everything's alright now
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  
  We fall in love most every night
  We're quite ridiculously tight - darlings
  And yeah I feel some kind of freak
  Getting killed six times a week
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  
  It's nearly half past three
  Gotta do a matinee
  I don't understand this game
  Why everything's the same
  But as the show go on and on
  And on and on
  And on and on and on and on and on
  And on
  
  I know the punters mustn't see
  How mundane it seems to me - darlings
  But sometimes I wish I could screw
  Someone else in Shaftsbury Avenue
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  
  Curtain up - exposition
  Development of character
  Plot - unravelling slow
  Sustaining interest, gathering momentum
  Till they unmask the killer
  Then a twist right at the end
  And it's all over till tomorrow night
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  In the mousetrap
  
  
• Sargasso Bar
  
  Couple in the corner
  Now she's crying on his shoulder
  Well they're a couple of Modern Lovers
  Sort of Kevin and Isolde
  She's embarrassed by his footwear
  He's embarrassed by her hair
  But he doesn't really care
  He says it's murder staying emotionally aware
  He's another Lost Soul
  But he's only come here to die
  And get high
  
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  
  Big John in the wooly
  Football training in the evening
  Well he got married married married
  Now he only thinks of leaving
  And he's surrounded by the blubber
  Watch the terylene stretching
  As he makes a point about his car
  When you're on miles to the gallon
  You know where you are
  And he's here every night, he's such a regular guy
  He gets high
  
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  
  We came in from the rain
  Now we're surrounded by the Eels of Death
  Everyone nervous and everybody couldn't care less
  We raise our glasses in 2/4 time
  We study the latecomers as they slither in beneath the door
  About this time of the night
  There's more and more and more and more
  Well, give them ten minutes then they all go home to die
  Cos they're so high
  
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  In the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar, the sargasso bar
  
  
• Rossmore Road NW1
  [The 1980 version fades out before the end.]
  
  The 159 runs along it
  Round the corner from Baker Street
  There's a dolls house shop on the corner
  Of Lisson Grove and
  Rossmore Road
  Rossmore Road
  
  Turn left at the DHSS in Lisson Grove
  You find yourself in Rossmore Road
  And there's a number of public buildings
  And a safety barrier down the middle of the road
  In Rossmore Road
  In Rossmore Road
  
  In Rossmore Road
  White and yellow lines and street signs
  And public phones and traffic cones
  And belisia beacons on the central reservation
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  
  To the north
  The Grand Canal
  Round the corner
  Regent's Park
  Next stop on the tube
  Marylebone Road
  And you can see
  Balcombe Street from Rossmore Road
  
  The 159 runs along it
  Round the corner from Baker Street
  There's a dolls house shop on the corner
  Of Lisson Grove and
  Rossmore Road
  Rossmore Road
  Rossmore Road
  Rossmore Road
  
  In Rossmore Road
  White and yellow lines and street signs
  North of the river
  South of the circular
  Under the road
  Above the railway
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  All humming now, all humming now, all humming now
  All humming now...
  
  
• Win A Night Out With A Well Known Paranoiac
  
  We could rendezvous in a country pub I know in the heart of rural England where the landlord sports moustaches just like Jimmy Edwards and the crisps and pickled onions on the bar are numberless as the stars at night.
  
  We're just about to order scampi in an Elizabethan basket when two neckless men in blazers and cravats approach our table and say - "sorry - this bar is exclusively for the use of Nobel prize winners, latter day saints, people who have seen God and selected relatives of our dear Queen, and furthermore, you worm, there is mud upon your plimsolls". I reply that I am a member of most elitist cliques you care to name and the blood which courses (at an ever increasing speed as it happens) through my veins belonged once to the Cuban royal family, but, they don't listen and they just pour my drink down the sink and say "this is not what we mean".
  
  In this life, one is either U or non-U and if I were you I'd make myself bloody scarce. I even try to show them my credit cards but unmoved they say "OK sonny, it's time you were taught a lesson and there's only one thing that your sort understand".
  
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  
  At an Iberian eatery in the west end, we could gaze at each other across saucers of yoghurt and bits of crusty foreign bread - and then - I could order a carraffe of Asti - we could have so much fun. We could discuss things like communism and chart positions with the lack of inhibitions that separate the truly liberated from the herd - but - I should mention that I talk quite loud as a casualty of inexpensive foreign wine and neither am I unaware of the restive noises from the party sitting close by. But as I'm in the middle of my funny story about the Arab and the underwater toilet, I can't stop now cos I'm in too deep, as I'm coming to the part where I say (in my best joke telling voice), "so the Arab says to the attendant, right..."
  
  Of course as we know five thousand pounds of pressure can suck out almost anything, it all goes quiet and here a little girl is saying, "Daddy, what a horrible man" and Daddy replies, "don't worry darling cos I've just made a phone call to your crypto-fascist Uncle Roger and he'll be here quite soon, and make quite sure he doesn't upset any little girls... little girls any more."
  
  Win a night out with a famous paranoiac
  Win a night out with a well known paranoid
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  
  Lying in your crumpled bed on Sunday morning, you said your Mum and Dad had gone away to a conference in Bath and I believed you like a fool. Now you get up, go to the window and you turn a pot plant round. I study your naked bottom with a twinge of lust but I'm not twigging that something's going down. There is a sound of the heavy boots upon the stairs and the door crashes open and in comes your Dad with some faithful retainers and some ex-Army mates from the Conservative Club. And I figure they must have been waiting all night because your Dad is clutching two reels of infra-red film and he's looking dangerously pale as he shows me the microphone under the bed, and I'm just about getting the message: all is not too groovy.
  
  As you stand there in your dressing gown laughing at me, then in comes your Mum in her nylon house coat with her hair hanging loose like a suburban Harpy and she advances towards me with an army surplus bush knife, clearly bent on wreaking havoc down below the navel and she's just about to get stuck in when I wake up... and yeah, it was all a dream.
  
  I'm really in a hospital bed. There is a smell of formaldehyde in the air, and a couple of doctors with swastikas on their arm are doing something to the brain of a sheep and in the corner is a huge zinc bath containing some sort of reptile and the nurse is saying "be a brave boy and drink it all up". And I realise I can't feel me legs and the shape in the bed isn't my shape at all and I wanna cry out but I can only bleat.
  
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out with a well known paranoiac
  Win a night out with a famous paranoid
  Win a night out...
  Win a night out...
  
  

Return to index